What Did You Expect?
Paul David Tripp
Summary: People often rush into marriage because they're madly in love. Despite marriages failing all around them, every couple figures they're immune. This passionate love that they share will last forever. They've got 'the real thing.' This 'know it all' approach is a sure sign that their love is not an enduring love. Reality hits, romantic love grows cold and both are left staring at a sinner. This book has a most fitting title. One reoccurring statement found in the book is that marriages must be fixed vertically before they can ever be fixed horizontally. To keep our marriages strong we need to keep busy at pulling those weeds that don't belong (evil works of the flesh),and continually planting good seeds (the fruits of the Spirit).
Personal Thoughts: There is a lot packed into this book! Tripp spends a lot of time talking about husbands and wives setting up their own little kingdoms in the marriage and expecting their spouse to comply with all the goals that the individual wants to achieve in the marriage. When both spouses do this simultaneously (very common) marriages fail. This book is loaded with examples, greatly helping the reader to understand what the author is saying. The section where Tripp unpacks what love is ( pg 186 - 203) is really the best part of the book in my opinion. Couples would really benefit to read this together. The author's extensive treatment on trust ( 2 chapters) is also very good. There is a comprehensive list on the many ways that a spouse can exercise selfishness against the other (pg 105). Like I said, lots in here. At times I found the book long and a bit repetitive, but I would conclude that it is a good book for people who find themselves a little shocked at the realities of marriage.
Quote: "Sin causes us to dream selfish dreams and to plan self-oriented plans.
What we actually want is for our spouse to love us as much as we love ourselves, and if our spouse is willing to do that, we will have a wonderful relationship.
But there is more. No longer are they (our spouse) objects of our willing affection. No, they quit being the people we find joy in loving. Rather, they get reduced to one of two things. They are either vehicles to help us get what we want, or obstacles in the way of what we want.
When we live for the kingdom of self, our decisions, thoughts, plans, actions and words are directed by personal desire." --pg. 47-48